My worst ever date can be blamed on drink. My first date with Fraser had been really great. The chemistry had been sizzling between us and I couldn’t wait for our second date.

Fraser picked me up for our second date, informing me he didn’t mind not drinking. The drive to the bar went really well and we had so much to talk about.

Fraser’s friends were all at the bar when we got there. I was not sure whether he had planned this, or if it was a coincidence, but I tried to embrace it. Surely it would be a way to get to know Fraser better? I greeted them warmly. When I barely got a reaction I tried to ignore it, but later when I realised one of the friends was Fraser’s ex-girlfriend I began to feel awkward. I was becoming more left out of conversations and got more than my fair share of evil eyes. I still really liked Fraser and didn’t want to mess things up, so I excused myself to get another drink. I stood by the bar sipping on my vodka and coke chatting to some people I recognised from my local pub. What a relief to be around friendly people.

Sitting back down to the table with Fraser and his friends, I finished my drink as quickly as possible, so I had an excuse to go back to the bar. Maybe alcohol would get me through this bad date. I was sure things would be better when it was just the two of us again. I ordered a double vodka and coke to make things even easier.

As the vodka kicked in I began to feel much happier, in fact I felt like I really had to dance. I don’t remember much except for begging Fraser to go to the bar next door where the music was ‘pumping’. I also have vague memories of dancing around a stripper pole and downing squashed frog shots with someone I recognised. All of this must have happened under the disapproving gaze of Fraser and his friends.

Then…Darkness.

The next morning I opened my eyes which felt as if they were stuck together with super glue and tried to lift my head from the pillow. My head felt like it was filled with sand. Looking around I was suddenly filled with regret.

I was in my bed, still in the same clothes from the night before with my high heels still strapped to my aching feet.

“Oh God!” I groaned wondering what I had done the night before.

Needless to say I didn’t hear from Fraser again, through any dating sites. I think he blocked me from messaging him, because when I tried to apologise I couldn’t access his profile.

At least I learned something from my bad experience; Don’t Drink and Date.

“Nice video, but why are you looking at girls’ profiles anyway?” I was curious, “I thought we were meant to be finding me a man.”

“I’m just checking out the competition and you definitely need to put in more effort.” She looked at me seriously.

“Melissa, we’ve already learned there’s no point in telling fibs on my profile. I will only pay for it later,” I said, thinking back over some of the dud dates I had recently experienced on account of Melissa’s white lies.

“I don’t mean you need to lie. I mean we should make a video. The girls that make the videos really stand out. They are probably getting all the good men.”

I sighed, knowing full well I was in for an afternoon of movie making. Melissa decided it would be best if I spoke to the camera about myself, whilst doing some of my hobbies.

I soon found myself in full riding gear bent over a pile of manure and speaking to the camera.

“Melissa, is this really necessary?” I whined, “I may love animals, but that doesn’t mean I love shovelling their pooh and why would I be wearing a riding hat when I am nowhere near a horse?”

“Just go with it!” She smiled encouragingly at me.

The final video with me in a variety of costumes was well produced, but totally ridiculous. I decided not to upload it, but instead made a brief web cam video of me in casual clothes talking to the camera about the person I would like to meet. I think as long as the sound is clear and the image is decent there is no need to overcomplicate things. Sure enough I received more flirts and messages after I uploaded the video, so at least Melissa was right about one thing.

As I sat in front of my computer ready to create my online profile I wondered what I was letting myself in for, but as always I had my friend Melissa poking me in my side saying, “Come on , let’s get started. Your dream man could be about to log on as we speak.”

“Hmm,” I wasn’t so sure, but as much to keep her quiet as anything else I began filling in my information. Name and sex, well that was straight forward enough. Age? 24, I smiled at Melissa. “It sounds so much better than 28, don’t you think?”

Now onto some of the trickier questions. What should I write in the about me section? I suppose I could write about my love of animals, that I like long walks on the beach (What a cliché), that I’m vegan.

“Stop right there!” Melissa boomed in my ear.

“What now?” I looked offended

“You can’t write that you’re vegan. Men will assume you have hairy legs and only eat lentils. They won’t want to date an unwashed hippy will they?”

“But I’m not unwashed and I do shave my legs. And anyway I don’t even like lentils that much. If they think I only eat salad they will assume I’m a cheap date. Maybe that will appeal to them. They don’t need to know I have an appetite like a horse until later.”

Melissa glared at me.

“Fine.” I shrugged, deleting the vegan bit and replacing it with “likes to party”. That isn’t even true. I much prefer staying in with a nice cup of soy hot chocolate than going out, but I am meant to be 24 and 24 year olds like to party.

“Now what about bra size?” Melissa raised her eyebrows as she stared directly at my small chest.

“Oh we are not including that!” I gasped.

“Shall we say 34C?” She asked as she leaned over me and began to type.

“But that is no where near true. I’m an A at best.”

“That is where padding comes in.” She smiled and I sighed deeply, wondering what kind of men I was going to attract with this ad and how I was going to live up to it.

Laughter. If you can’t laugh with your partner, through the years and through the trials and tribulations of your life together, you are missing what is in my opinion a key element in a successful relationship. For instance, take this video that I watched recently on YouTube of an elderly couple who’d been married for 62 years. They were entering the Mayo Clinic for a check-up and saw a piano in the lobby. Sporadically they struck up this dynamic duet which each of them at one end of the keyboard, playing a synchronized song. All the while they are moving and laughing like teenagers, despite their obvious age. This is what it’s all about ladies and gentlemen, laughing and playing together. Till death do you part.

So many couples lose the ability to even enjoy each other as they move through their lives together. Somewhere along the way it’s as though romance and playfulness seem to fall by the wayside, replaced by the wear-and-tear of being together for so long and enduring life. We forget after so much time to be kind to one another, to be playful and considerate and just nice period. As for me and my husband, we haven’t been together for all that long in the scheme of things. We met a few years ago on an online dating website.  Already we sometimes forget to just enjoy each other. I forget to be thankful for the warmth of his skin when I hug him, or the feeling of him breathing when I lay on his chest, or the twinkle in his eye when he talks about what he loves. Even my dying grandfather, half-gone already from being rocked by the force of two strokes, still joked and laughed with my grandmother. Adversely me maternal grandfather died in misery and with no laughter whatsoever, having estranged himself from my grandmother many years before. The way they looked at each other as he held her hand and said goodbye reminded me of two people who realized only too late what they’d missed out on. I would rather that I were not the latter.